When I was using drugs, the idea that I might be an addict was a source of great shame. I wasn’t ashamed that I used drugs; that wasn’t my problem at all. No, I was ashamed that I’d lost control of my use, that I couldn’t quit when I wanted to, that I couldn’t handle the withdrawals.

I also didn’t want to be like “them”, you know: addicts, junkies. I wasn’t that sick, was I?

My use was out of control for a long time before I got help. I thought about getting help - but I didn’t want to say to my family: I am addicted to pain pills, and I need treatment. No way did I want my friends, or my job to find out. What would they think of me? How could I face everyone?

I feared the stigma of having “addict” all over my medical records too. Many of us know how doctors treat patients who are “drug seeking,” and I imagined it would be a hundred times worse if I was an admitted addict.

So I suffered, and I suffered some more. Finally, the suffering was worse than the shame (but only very slightly) and I decided to call for help.

What Was It Like?

Amazing. And scary, but not shameful. In fact, the health care professionals I’ve worked with throughout my addiction recovery - from doctors to therapists to research coordinators - have been some of the most respectful, kind and empathetic people I’ve ever known. It was among these people that I first began to really understand that my addiction is a medical problem, not a moral problem.

By the time I decided to get help, I knew I wanted to try Suboxone treatment. This meant I needed a diagnosis of “opioid dependency,” which required meeting with a doctor. My doctor was an addiction specialist, and he was so non-judgmental that it was a relief just to talk to him.

The first appointment was just me answering a lot of questions about my drug use. That was the scary part, but it was also really eye-opening. The questions were like:

• What kinds of drugs are you using?
• How much?
• How often?
• Do you ever drive when you’re high? (That was a big slap upside the head for me, I’m sad to say.)
• Do you do anything illegal to get your drugs?
• Do you hide your use from others?
• Does your drug use effect your job? Your social life?

By the end of that interview it was abundantly clear to me that I was addicted to pain pills. It was also clear that I wasn’t being judged for my problem, no one was going to slap a scarlet A on my chest and expose my faults to the world. I was among people who both wanted to help me and had the means to do so. I made an appointment to come back in a couple of days for my first dose of Suboxone.

When I arrived for my “induction” (that’s what they call it when you start Suboxone treatment) I was in moderate withdrawals as I hadn’t used in about 30 hours. I felt pretty crappy indeed, but hopeful too.

My doctor told me how to put the pill under my tongue and let it dissolve. I started with half of an 8mg pill, and went to sit by myself in the lounge and read a magazine. The taste was bitter and I wasn’t used to holding anything under my tongue like that, but my word…that first dose of Suboxone was a revelation.

Within 20 minutes my nose stopped running, my legs weren’t aching, no yawning, no coughing, no stomach cramps. It was like this huge wave of relief washed through my body. By the time I took the other half of my dose and walked out of the doctor’s office, I felt normal.

All day long, I felt normal - by which I mean good. I felt like myself, a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long while. I had no cravings. I didn’t feel euphorically high, but I was in a good mood.

I went to work that day, and the next, and the next. I was able to fulfill all my family obligations and I even had the energy and inclination to do fun stuff on the weekend. It wasn’t perfect, but it was close enough. And I didn’t have to tell anyone what I was doing unless I wanted to.

I remember feeling sorry that I’d waited so long to get help once I realized what getting help would be like. I’m not saying that I took Suboxone and lived happily ever after. But Suboxone has given me the stability to sort out the mess that I made of my life, and to work on healing my body and my spirit. It also reminded me of how good it feels to be clear-headed and in control - now I don’t want to risk losing those things ever again.

What About You?

So what are you waiting for? There really is no need to suffer more, or for your addiction to progress further before you make the call and ask for help. Believe me, if I could do it, so can you.

For parents, there are few things worse than discovering that their child is addicted to opiates. But there’s one thing that few parents realize: there are few things worse for your child to discover about him or herself as well. As the anti-drug commercials put it, “No one ever said, ‘When I grow up, I want to be a junkie,’” and for your child, finding themselves in the tortuous position of physical addiction can be terrifying. As the parent, you may be the only person who can really help him or her to get through this experience and come out on the other side a happier, more well-adjusted person. Here are some 5 tips to help you along the way.

Stay Calm

Fear often manifests in the form of anger, but this is a case when screaming and yelling will only serve to worsen the situation and your child’s feelings about him or herself. If you suspect that your child is using, be prepared for a volatile reaction when he or she is confronted. Their fear of getting caught and concern for their own physical safety will likely turn emotional. It is your job to take a breath, pursue the conversation and help them defuse so that you two can have a conversation that is productive and goal (not blame) oriented.

Ask Questions

Are you using every day? How much are you using? How do you feel when you don’t use? If you find opiate painkillers, ask how they are taking them (no need to offer multiple choice answers, but crushing and shooting the drug is significantly more dangerous than swallowing the pill whole and knowing the answer to this question will help you find the right drug rehab facility for them, even if they give you a sarcastic answer).

It’s not immediately important who they are using with, where they are getting the drugs or if they were high at such-and-such event. Pointing out addictive behavior like lying and stealing won’t serve your first purpose: helping your child accept the fact that he or she is addicted to opiates and needs drug treatment.

Listen

It may seem intuitive, but after you ask your questions, wait and listen to the answers. Bombarding your child with questions won’t yield anything but frustration. If you don’t understand the answer or feel like he or she is being indirect, you can always ask more questions later, but give your child a chance to speak his or her mind.

Offer Solution Options

Berating your child or handing down punishments isn’t appropriate at this time. Certainly, you want the addictive behavior and using to stop, but the best way for this to happen is to give them solutions: inpatient treatment, medical detox, outpatient treatment. Talk to them about what is available, and let them know that you will stand by them through it all.

Let Them Know That You Love Them No Matter What

This is crucial. Even though you may be scared to death, angry and overwhelmingly disappointed and sad, you must communicate to your child that you will be right there as the two of you work through this together. Let your child know that you love him or her and that you will make sure to provide the necessary help to get them back on their feet so that both of you can move forward.

It’s an ongoing debate in the medical community and among those who suffer from chronic pain: is it worse to suffer from pain or deal with addiction to the opiate painkillers prescribed to alleviate that pain? According to Medical News Today, the debate continues and neither side of the argument shows signs of giving way.

No one thinks that opioid-based medications should be done away with completely. Obviously. Chronic pain is an issue of quality of life and we live in a scientific age that allows us to live free from pain. Doctors struggle with the legal implications of possibly affording someone a prescription for illicit purposes as well as the ethics of treating their patients to the best of their ability.

What the Professionals Have to Say

Srinivasa Raja, MD is a professor of anesthesiology at Johns Hopkins University Medical School. He says: 

“Physicians today face a dilemma in trying to balance the needs of their patients with demands from society for better control of opioid medications. We also are dealing with unfounded accusations in the media that increased prescribing of opioids for severe chronic pain is responsible in large part for reported upswings in the abuse of pain medications.

“We do need stronger evidence about which patients will benefit most from these medications to help make better prescribing decisions.But for most chronic pain patients, drugs are not the sole solution. More and more studies are showing that multi-faceted treatment involving physical and cognitive-behavioral therapies and appropriate interventional strategies lead to the most favorable outcomes.”

The American Pain Society

The American Pain Society is “a multidisciplinary community that brings together a diverse group of scientists, clinicians and other professionals to increase the knowledge of pain and transform public policy and clinical practice to reduce pain-related suffering.” They believe that the best way to deal with the problem of prescription drug abuse is through the collaboration of the medical and legal communities as well as the pharmaceutical industry.

Says Raja, “First, I believe physicians should be diligent is communicating with their patients about the benefits and risks of opioids and also screen them for drug-seeking behavior and other warning signs of potential abuse. Also, we must monitor patients carefully to determine when doses can be lowered over time as they improve their pain control and overall functioning.”

What do you think?