When the folks here at Suboxone Blog asked me to write a few guest posts, I was flattered and really excited. I also thought the writing would be easy. It’s easy enough for me to bang out posts over at Diary of a Quitter, after all.

But every time I sat down to write this introductory post, I froze. Even thinking about sitting down to write stirred up feelings of mild panic. I kept procrastinating until last night when I realized that this is exactly the kind of thing that’s always getting me into trouble. I can’t expect to grow, in my life or in my recovery, if I refuse to do anything new or a little scary.

I felt the same way right after I realized that I needed help with my opiate addiction - scared and panicked. After abusing prescription painkillers for over a year and failing repeated attempts to quit, I knew I was in trouble. Getting high wasn’t even part of the picture for me anymore. I just took the pills to keep from getting sick. Lonely and isolated, I grew more and more depressed. My online searches for a way out of my mess turned up information about Suboxone, but shame and fear kept me from taking that final step. Asking for help felt like the end of the world.

Lucky for me, a good friend started Suboxone treatment right before I did. Seeing what Suboxone did for her eased my fears, and we have been able to support each other through this experience.

I also sought support online. I started my blog about a week before I began treatment, and over the past months I’ve built a network of friends who are also in the process of addiction recovery. Everyone needs friends in life, and people struggling with addiction are no different. In fact, we probably need them more.

Suboxone Blog was one of the first that I read on a regular basis. I’m glad to be able to share my story as a guest blogger. I found information and support here, and I hope you will, too. Suboxone treatment saved me. I still have work to do, but looking back to where I was six months ago, and where I was headed…I know that this medication made it possible for me to turn my life around.

If you are suffering right now, make the call and ask for help. Believe me, it will be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

-bottlecappie

I was reading the Diary of a Quitter the other day and I was struck by her honesty. Now a great many of her posts pass along the inspiration that she has come across in her reading, through other blogs, from therapy, friends and other sources of support and these are great and helpful in her own way. But when she admits as she does in her posts “Hard to Fight It” and “The Honeymoon is Over” that recovery is not all pink clouds and happy reclamations of life, love and happiness.

She says: “Those first few months after I started Suboxone treatment were filled with the excitement of doing something new, plus the motivation of desperation. Now, the newness has worn off and I’m left here with myself and my habits and no easy way out.

“So it is time for me to recommit myself to this process of healing. This point, right here, is the point where I usually quit. Where the inspiration has run out and the goal is still out of sight, I give up. I start in with the self-sabotage, craftily stirring up some kind of drama so that when I do quit, it looks like events have conspired to foil me, once again.”

Even though Suboxone promises the instant gratification of renewed mental clarity (that you may not have even realized that you lost during your prescription painkiller addiction), it has no cure for that plateau that happens to all of us a few months or, for some, a few weeks into a new venture. Call it boredom, call it depression, call it fatigue. There are so many reasons why we give up. It’s being honest with ourselves and recognizing our patterns, our triggers and the emotions that preclude a relapse that help us to fight them. By not giving in, by distracting ourselves until the feeling passes, by recognizing the seriousness of the situation and choosing not to use right now, today, and making the same decision when tomorrow comes, we can get through these feeling when they come and go to sleep each night knowing that this is ongoing process and that it doesn’t have to overwhelm us, that we have the choice to get through it the best way we can, no matter how that is.

There are a number of blogs out there written by women who are married to addicts, mothers of  junkies or otherwise connected (and deeply scarred by) someone else’s addiction. Among my favorites are The Junky’s Wife, Married to an Addict, Married to My Ex, and Mother to an Addict. Whether or not the writer is still married, suffering from codependency or her own addiction issues or living with multiple family members who are addicts and alcoholics, each of these blogs have one thing in common: they are honest. Each one expresses frustration, anger, betrayal, real love, confusion, the best intentions and the worst outcomes. In short, each one gives a very real portrayal of what it’s like to love someone who is married to addiction.

Even if the addict in your life is aware of their problem, open to treatment and even attempting treatment with methadone maintenance or a Suboxone detox, their troubles—and yours—are far from over. Relapses can and do still happen. These may be one-time slips or binges that last for days and they can be even more dangerous than maintaining a regular habit because the body’s tolerance is different than the addict remembers. Overdose in these situations is exceedingly common, especially for those who are addicted to opiates and prescription painkillers. Mixing drugs is always a dangerous thing in any context and for those who are on a maintenance or medical detox program, a relapse almost always means the introduction or re-introduction of a different drug or drugs into the system.

Feeling like a cop in your own home is never pleasant. Addiction usually comes with quite a bit of lying, even in the bold face of evidence supporting the opposite assertion and this can take quite a toll on any relationship. It’s difficult to rebuild trust, to constantly question whether or not someone is high when they say they’re tired or if that $20 you can’t find is merely lost in a jeans pocket somewhere or was stolen by your loved one. For the writers of these blogs, they handle these issues by blogging about it and find support through their readers, creating an online support group that’s available 24 hours a day.

Note: I’m aware of the fact that all of the blogs I picked out were written by women. I actually searched out similar blogs penned by men who love female addicts, but found none. Do they exist? Most likely. It certainly happens in life often enough. If anyone knows of any blogs in this category penned by men, by all means, let me know!