Vacation is hard. That’s right, you heard me - vacation is hard.

I’m back in my hometown in South Florida, and temptation lurks around every corner. Nine months going strong in my recovery, and I take one trip away from home and suddenly I’m thinking of what great opportunities I’ll have to look through the medicine cabinets of my parent’s friends, and that I’ve been so good for so long- just a little “partying” won’t hurt, right? Embarrassing but true, I did let my mind go there. Old habits die hard, huh?

One of my blogging-buddies, Greybeard, left a comment at my blog that perfectly sums up this strange phenomenon:

For whatever reason I think humans believe that when they go out of town they get a free pass or something. I’ve experienced the same thoughts that you describe in past recovery lives. That’s probably why those “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” adds were so successful. They reinforced that adolescent notion that most of us already want to believe. What a crazy delusion.

He’s absolutely correct; it is a crazy delusion. We don’t get a “free pass” just because we’re on vacation. In fact, I need to work even harder right now. I’m away from my familiar routines and my support network and I’m around a group of people who really know how to push my proverbial buttons - my family.

So today I’m really appreciating one of Suboxone’s unique features - the blocking effect it has against other opiates. Usually I don’t even think about this aspect of Suboxone, because it suppresses cravings so well. But the past few days, stressed out and out of my element, I have had a few cravings. And even as I was experiencing the urge to use or a little fantasy about just how I might get some pills while on vacation, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get high anyway, because the Suboxone would block the effects of any other opiates I took.

Knowing that I can’t get high helped short-circut my little daydream about taking a vacation from my recovery. I was able to bring my thoughts back under control and remind myself of the negative consequences of using opiates as well as all the postive changes I’ve made in my life since starting Suboxone treatment. I also realized that those thoughts about using were warning flags my brain was waving to let me know I need to pay attention to my recovery process, even while I’m on vacation. Especially when I’m on vacation.

So we’ve talked about how relationships can be bad for the success of your opiate detox, and we’ve talked about how opiate detox can be bad for relationships (not that drug addiction is good for relationships, but you know what I mean). Some people have asked me about casual relationships, both sexual in nature and platonic. So here’s what I think…

Sex-Only Relationships During Opiate Detox

Dangerous. Your time in opiate detox is uncomfortable to say the least. Many are uncomfortable with themselves in this vulnerable state, physically and emotionally. Getting involved with someone in a purely physical relationship is just too risky for this time in your life. What if you start to have feelings for this person? Or they start to feel for you? Especially if these feelings are unrequited in either situation, you’ve got yourself a problem.

You may or may not even really know yourself that well anymore, depending on how long you spent actively in your addiction. Sometimes people move too quickly into physical relationships because they are unsure of themselves, maybe don’t feel that they don’t have anything else to offer. Of course, this isn’t to say that this applies across the board or forever, but when you’re just starting out in recovery, it’s my opinion that you should find your entertainment in something more substantial.

Platonic Relationships During Opiate Detox

Is it okay to date or have a relationship that isn’t physical in nature? Yes and no. If there are feelings between you and someone else that go beyond friendship and you’re choosing to spend time together without taking it to a serious physical level, then you’re doing the right thing. Just make sure that you aren’t spending all your time with this person, making decisions about your future or opportunities that become open to you based on what this person thinks or wants or with an eye toward maintaining the relationship first. This is called codependency and it’s a common problem among those new to opiate detox and opiate addiction treatment.

Whatever you decide to do, take it slow. Make sure that you have a support system that extends beyond this relationship in your life. You want to give yourself every opportunity to succeed, not set yourself up to fail.

What about you? Do you have any experiences or thoughts on platonic relationships or casual relationships that are only physical in nature during opiate detox and recovery?

The other day I posted about how relationships can hurt opiate detox. You get too involved in the relationship and stop focusing on what you need to do to get better and end up relapsing. Or you break up and you end up relapsing. Not good. Specifically, not good for the detox and your dependence on drug use in general.

But someone pointed out to me that it’s not just the opiate detox that suffers; it’s the relationship, too. Very true. Ever been an addict in a relationship whether or not that person was an addict, too? Ever been with someone who was an addict, whether or not you were, too? Well, then you know.

New Relationships and Opiate Detox

Maybe you meet each other at a meeting. Or maybe this is someone you knew when you were actively using, and you run into each other and realize you’re both doing good at the same time. Either way, there’s an attraction, a spark. You decide to follow through. Maybe not overtly, like no one formally asks the other one out. But you end up hanging out, getting coffee, whatever. And soon it’s clear that there’s a romance happening.

The amount of clean time that either person has may or may not be a factor, since people who have been clean for five or 15 years may relapse behind a relationship just like anyone else. If you’re new to recovery and still in the opiate detox stages of your treatment, this is all pretty new. The emotional stress associated with a relationship may be too much to handle. Conversely, if your new partner is more firmly grounded in recovery, he or she may be something of an inspiration if not a guide. 

Old Relationships and Opiate Detox

Maybe you two used to use together, and now want to get clean together. Maybe your partner never really got loaded and you’re getting clean on your own. Either way, your choice to go through opiate detox has to be one that you make for yourself because, invariably, no matter how much you love your partner, he or she is going to piss you off. There will be stress. Plus, more than likely, your partner won’t be shy about letting you know—repeatedly—everything you did to hurt him or her while you were using. It can be discouraging, but during opiate detox, it may also feel like the safest port available to you.

Your Lover is Not Your Doctor

Or your sponsor. Or your shrink. Or your priest. Or your parent. It’s hard to find the line of appropriate emotional sharing, especially when both opiate detox and a new relationship present you with such raw unfamiliar emotions. Do you just not tell your partner when you feel like picking up? What if you go to the same meetings? Know the same people? Will your partner’s response trigger resentment in you? Or something worse, like feelings of inadequacy?

What do you think? Do new relationships have a shot during opiate detox? Can old relationships survive the transition?