You’ve gotten through the roughest parts of opiate detox. You’re at home and you continue on your maintenance schedule according to the treatment plan that you’ve created with your doctor. You get up every morning and take your medication, be it Suboxone or methadone. If you have a job, then you head there and if you have small children, then you spend time with them. If not, maybe a meeting, out for coffee, take care of the house…. What are you supposed to do all day?

One of the problems with opiate detox is that it’s boring. I’ve heard so many people say that they ended up relapsing because they didn’t have anything to do. TV got old and they just weren’t getting any ideas about how to spend their time. The opportunity arose to get loaded, and so they did. This is where chaos comes in.

Chaos and Opiate Detox

It may seem counterintuitive, but just like you have to ingest some fats while you’re trying to lose weight, you also need a certain amount of chaos in your life in order to successfully navigate an opiate detox. Yes, you need to stay away from the negative elements and stressors that put you in a position to use in the first place, but you can’t bury yourself at home and hide for the rest of your life, either. Humans crave contact and contact breeds chaos. And a little chaos can help you fight off the boredom that may drive you to relapse.

Where to Find Chaos

Maybe a friend of yours is having issues with her boyfriend or husband and needs someone to listen. Maybe you have a niece or nephew who could use a little “auntie” time. You can always find someone who needs something at meetings, whether it’s advice, companionship or a ride somewhere. The point? Controlled chaos can help you take your mind off yourself, get you out of the house, appreciate your situation and your newfound sobriety.

How do you create balance in your life during opiate detox?

Well! It’s been a while since I’ve made a post here, and I have missed y’all something terrible, but I can’t think of a better reason to break my writer’s block than this:

This week marks the six-month anniversaryof me beginning Suboxone treatment! Woot!

I can hardly believe that a half of a year has already passed, and so it seems like a good time to take a moment to reflect on where I came from, and where I am now.

Six months ago I was a huge mess. I was in constant pain, physically and emotionally. I’d been using opiates nearly every day for the previous year, progressing from hydrocodone to morphine and dilaudid. My life slowly and steadily constricted around me as I let go of people and activities I cared about because all I had energy for was getting high.

I dropped out of school, telling myself I’d take the quarter off to rest and get my health back - but that quarter stretched to another and another. Work wasn’t going well. I was unmotivated, lethargic and frankly, my attitude was total crap. Home life wasn’t much better - even my beloved daughter was starting to feel more like a burden to me than a joy. The worst, though, was the way I felt about myself.

I knew I was out of control. I put off paying bills because I needed drugs to stave off the dopesickness that constantly threatened to take me down. My tolerance grew so much over the previous summer that I couldn’t even get pain relief any longer, and getting high was out of the question. Over and over I tried to quit and suffered through the pain of withdrawals for days, sometimes even a week or more, only to use again at the first chance I had. Still, some twisted sense of pride kept me from admitting that I was in over my head and I needed help.

During this low-point, I became aware of this new drug called Suboxone, and it’s great potential to help people like me - opiate addicts. Did I call for help the first time I heard about it? Oh, no way. I was scared, and embarassed. But I was also intrigued, so I sought out information online. And the more stories I read, the more I became convinced that this drug could help me too.

So I finally made the call, and got into a treatment program and started taking Subxone. That was six months ago, and while it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, I definitely stopped my ship from sinking and steered it to safer waters. (to torture a metaphor, sorry!)

What does my life look like, six months into treatment? Well, I’m glad you asked, because things are great!

Because I chose, based on my substance abuse history and other mental-health issues, to go with a longer-term replacement type treatment with Subxone, I still take Suboxone every day. I’ve decreased my dose quite a bit, with an eye toward tapering off completely in the next six to eight months. I also go to therapy once a week, and I have a “recovery plan” that keeps me involved in activities that are healthy and fun - like yoga, dance, swimming, writing, and blogging.

Family life is so much better. The best thing is that I can now handle the inevitable rough-patches without turning to drugs, and sometimes I even manage to hold on to my peace of mind during the hard times. I’ve navigated some serious health issues lately without completely losing my balance, and I’m quite proud of that. I’m doing better at work too, and have been given new responsibilites that have made my job fun again.

The thing I’m most proud of, though, is that I returned to school for the Spring quarter and if all goes well, I will finally complete my Associate of Arts degree after only 15 years!!! Well, not that I was in school for that whole time, LOL, but it did take me a while. The class I’m taking this quarter should complete my degree, and I can transfer to University next year. I can not tell you how incredibly good it feels to be getting on with my life.

And, more than just getting on with life, I have goals again. Addiction steals our goals, our hopes and dreams, sometimes to the point that the only thing we’re living for is the next opportunity to get high. That is such an incredibly painful way to live, so I’m beyond happy to have found that I don’t have to live that way anymore. Nobody has to live like that - there’s help for us all.

Suboxone didn’t do all the work for me, but I doubt I could have come this far this quickly without it. If you’ve been thinking about calling, wondering if this drug could help you too - all I can say is Make The Call. I sincerely believe you won’t regret it.

Personal stories are really important when it comes to drug withdrawal and addiction treatment. Each individual’s circumstance is affected by and affects his or her drug use and recovery. Here’s an interview with someone who started experimenting with heroin in his teens and became an addict in his early 20s. He’s now 40 years old, a heroin-free junky on methadone. Here’s what he has to say:

What can people expect when they experience methadone withdrawal?

They can expect to be—at the very least—very, very uncomfortable for at least 30 days.

Define “uncomfortable.”

No sleep. You’re not going to sleep for 30 days. You’re not going to eat. You’re going to feel like you’re going to die. You’re going to hallucinate. You’re going to, really pretty much feel like you’re about to die at any moment.

How many times have you gone through a methadone withdrawal?

One, two, three…four…. Four times.

Have you ever done a medical detox off of methadone?

No.

So you kicked “cold turkey”?

Uh-huh. Two times. But the dose was really low. The dose was like down to 8, 8 milligrams, and even that felt like, you know, something harder than I ever did before because I didn’t sleep for like three weeks straight off of that alone, 8 mg. But I didn’t feel the, you know, the flu-like symptoms but I suffered from the insomnia and anxiety part of it, where your legs are twitching.

If you detoxed four times and twice “cold turkey,” how did you detox the other two times?

I went right back. I’m talking about, I got arrested for a parole violation, and it took six working days to get let out, and I went five of those six days off of an incredibly high dose because they don’t give you methadone in San Quentin. That happened twice. The first time I was on 220 milligrams and the second time I was on 110 milligrams.

Why do you take methadone?

I take…. Well, at that time, I took 120mg a day at the clinic, on maintenance and I have a prescription for 100mg a day from my doctor for pain. The second time I got violated, arrested for a parole violation, was only two months after the first time, and it was so bad the first time that I had started to go down on my maintenance dose at the clinic. On my own, I had cut down my pain prescription so I was already kind of sick when I got arrested.

Did you get arrested for drugs? Were you trying to buy something because you were sick?

No. I got arrested because I’m on high control parole. I had a chain on my wallet and they call that a “dangerous weapon.” Plus I tend to talk loud when I get excited about something and he [the cop] took it as I was yelling at him. He had a rookie cop with him who said, “You’re going to let him talk to you like that?” He later told me that if I hadn’t done that he would have let me go.

Bad day.

Yeah, I was sick and I didn’t feel like getting f*cked with when I was just walking to the corner store. But I mean, I’ve been in San Francisco for 20 years and the cop stopped me because he knows me. We’re not, you know, exactly friends. I wasn’t doing anything wrong but “high control” means they can come in your house, stop you anywhere, anytime, search you, whatever. Not to say I deserved it that day but being on parole, you know, your rights are limited.

Sounds like it’s a precarious situation. You could get picked up anytime.

Yeah.

Do you ever think about getting off methadone completely so that you won’t have such a hard time in withdrawal if it happens again?

No.

Why not?

Because…I don’t know. I’m more or less gambling with it.

So being on methadone is worth the risk of a nasty withdrawal?

Yeah. If the end result of the methadone is to stay out of prison, yeah. The reason I’m taking methadone is so I’m not using heroin. And if I was using heroin, I’d have to pay for it and I would more than likely be committing crimes to pay for that heroin and I’d be back in jail regardless. So by being on methadone, it’s satisfying that part of my head that needs to take something but it gives me room to function and maintain a normal, somewhat normal lifestyle.

Have you ever considered Suboxone?

I have. I have to be on a much lower dose of methadone to do that and right now I need to stay at least at a blocking dose. I’m not going to rush it. Methadone has given me a chance to get off heroin, off the street, out of prison. I’ve got a family, a wife and kid, a job. I’m not going to risk losing that by going too fast or detoxing too quickly off methadone before I’m ready. I’ve seen Suboxone work really well for some people, and maybe one day I’ll be one of those people. Getting away from the methadone clinic is a big step for someone like me. You go down there, you see all these people you know. People offer you free this and that, pills, heroin, speed, whatever. You hear about who’s doing what, you know, what’s going on. Suboxone lets you get out of that world, fully commit to making a new life. So it’s good. But one step at a time….