An Interview With a Methadone Addict
Personal stories are really important when it comes to drug withdrawal and addiction treatment. Each individual’s circumstance is affected by and affects his or her drug use and recovery. Here’s an interview with someone who started experimenting with heroin in his teens and became an addict in his early 20s. He’s now 40 years old, a heroin-free junky on methadone. Here’s what he has to say:
What can people expect when they experience methadone withdrawal?
They can expect to be—at the very least—very, very uncomfortable for at least 30 days.
Define “uncomfortable.”
No sleep. You’re not going to sleep for 30 days. You’re not going to eat. You’re going to feel like you’re going to die. You’re going to hallucinate. You’re going to, really pretty much feel like you’re about to die at any moment.
How many times have you gone through a methadone withdrawal?
One, two, three…four…. Four times.
Have you ever done a medical detox off of methadone?
No.
So you kicked “cold turkey”?
Uh-huh. Two times. But the dose was really low. The dose was like down to 8, 8 milligrams, and even that felt like, you know, something harder than I ever did before because I didn’t sleep for like three weeks straight off of that alone, 8 mg. But I didn’t feel the, you know, the flu-like symptoms but I suffered from the insomnia and anxiety part of it, where your legs are twitching.
If you detoxed four times and twice “cold turkey,” how did you detox the other two times?
I went right back. I’m talking about, I got arrested for a parole violation, and it took six working days to get let out, and I went five of those six days off of an incredibly high dose because they don’t give you methadone in San Quentin. That happened twice. The first time I was on 220 milligrams and the second time I was on 110 milligrams.
Why do you take methadone?
I take…. Well, at that time, I took 120mg a day at the clinic, on maintenance and I have a prescription for 100mg a day from my doctor for pain. The second time I got violated, arrested for a parole violation, was only two months after the first time, and it was so bad the first time that I had started to go down on my maintenance dose at the clinic. On my own, I had cut down my pain prescription so I was already kind of sick when I got arrested.
Did you get arrested for drugs? Were you trying to buy something because you were sick?
No. I got arrested because I’m on high control parole. I had a chain on my wallet and they call that a “dangerous weapon.” Plus I tend to talk loud when I get excited about something and he [the cop] took it as I was yelling at him. He had a rookie cop with him who said, “You’re going to let him talk to you like that?” He later told me that if I hadn’t done that he would have let me go.
Bad day.
Yeah, I was sick and I didn’t feel like getting f*cked with when I was just walking to the corner store. But I mean, I’ve been in San Francisco for 20 years and the cop stopped me because he knows me. We’re not, you know, exactly friends. I wasn’t doing anything wrong but “high control” means they can come in your house, stop you anywhere, anytime, search you, whatever. Not to say I deserved it that day but being on parole, you know, your rights are limited.
Sounds like it’s a precarious situation. You could get picked up anytime.
Yeah.
Do you ever think about getting off methadone completely so that you won’t have such a hard time in withdrawal if it happens again?
No.
Why not?
Because…I don’t know. I’m more or less gambling with it.
So being on methadone is worth the risk of a nasty withdrawal?
Yeah. If the end result of the methadone is to stay out of prison, yeah. The reason I’m taking methadone is so I’m not using heroin. And if I was using heroin, I’d have to pay for it and I would more than likely be committing crimes to pay for that heroin and I’d be back in jail regardless. So by being on methadone, it’s satisfying that part of my head that needs to take something but it gives me room to function and maintain a normal, somewhat normal lifestyle.
Have you ever considered Suboxone?
I have. I have to be on a much lower dose of methadone to do that and right now I need to stay at least at a blocking dose. I’m not going to rush it. Methadone has given me a chance to get off heroin, off the street, out of prison. I’ve got a family, a wife and kid, a job. I’m not going to risk losing that by going too fast or detoxing too quickly off methadone before I’m ready. I’ve seen Suboxone work really well for some people, and maybe one day I’ll be one of those people. Getting away from the methadone clinic is a big step for someone like me. You go down there, you see all these people you know. People offer you free this and that, pills, heroin, speed, whatever. You hear about who’s doing what, you know, what’s going on. Suboxone lets you get out of that world, fully commit to making a new life. So it’s good. But one step at a time….
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March 13th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’m currently on methadone treatment. At 130mg/day and at first it has kept me away from the herion, but now I’m basically strung out with methadone, and have been on it for 2yrs. Of course, I would love to detox and get away from it, but have tried and didn’t like the killin “joneson” that I went through.I first began using herion when I was in Afghanistan chasing “bad-guys”.And came home strung out, and continued using because of the bad dreams, that I was having. Would like to get away from methadone.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Wow, great interview. It’s always inspiring to see someone making the effort, especially with so much to live for. Good luck, my friend! One step at a time is absolutely right…
March 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
JJN, consider this: at least you’re not using needles or spending your life chasing a bag. You’ve taken a huge step in staying on methadone for two years and not giving up and going back to heroin. If you want to get off methadone, you can start slowly: dropping down to 80 milligrams means that you’re still taking the blocking dose that he mentioned in the interview and it’s 50 fewer milligrams than before. Take it slow: 5 milligrams a week until you feel it, then level off until you re-adjust, then maybe 2 milligrams a week. If you feel yourself getting shaky, go up a milligram or two until you feel better. Sloooowwww…. There’s no rush.
March 15th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Funny to read this article after dosing on a Saturday with my little “take home lock-box”.
The same things the person in your article said I can echo, as can just about every thing that was mentioned. as can every long term opiate user. The Thing that has got me wrecked is the fact that my 19yr old daughter, is now in a 12stp-28day ’spin-dry’ Her mother, and I worked so hard to hide my actual “using” from her, i.e.- nodding, shooting ,paraphernalia,and my being deathly sick when in jail or made to go without, etc. The long absences and large abscesses have been explained to her through out my use. I thought that the ramifications of my addiction would have been enough of a warning not to go down the same road, even if not seen firsthand. She seems to have traveled closer and closer to this out come over the last 3-4years. The culmination of this has been her decision to inject heroin, (and of course get strung out). This is her second time in detox/treatment in 2+ yrs. The first time leading to a lengthy successful try at a 12stp. meetings and staying clean. My current use of methadone is of course frowned on be her personal physician, and mother. (Neither are proponents of, Substitution therapy)Do all roads lead to some form of opiates for the children of our children who may have been sheltered from the ill effects of an opiate addiction???
March 15th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I started Methadone treatment one year ago in Feb. of 07, but could never give up marijuana for some reason. The Methadone changed my life though, it was wonderful not going to bed and waking up thinking about where I would get my next fix. Anyway, because I didn’t stop smoking, they dismissed me from treatment and started taking me down 7 milligrams a day. That was about two months ago and I am doing ok. The withdrawl was not as bad as I thought it would be, but I still deal with a little anxiety. If I could do my detox over, I would do it with Suboxone. Good luck to all of you.
March 15th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I have been on methadone for ten years. I am 54, and was on pain pills for 25 years. Methadone gave me my life back. I went to a clinic for the methadone for 9 years. I finally found a family dr gave me the methadone. I started on 100 mgs a day and stayed there for 9 years. Then I started cutting myself back in the last year to 25mgs. I felt great and was so thankful to God that I did. Then the gov. said my doc couldn’t write anymore for methadone. I either had to get on subutex or go back to the clinic. I am now on 8mgs of subutex a day. I really don’t fell as good as I had hoped but seems to be getting better every day. I am just wondering if I will ever feel as normal on subutex as I felt on 25mgs of methadone.I never abused methadone and just don’t understand how dr.’s can prescribe oxycontin (one of the pain pills I was on) and can’t prescribe for methadone. It really makes me angry. I didn’t abuse methadone and I don’t think its fair. Most of the pain clinics I know are just glorified pill pushers and I think they know it and don’t care. Also I went straight from methadone 25mgs 5 days ago to subutex.Will I ever feel the normalcy I felt with methadone?
March 15th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
I have read the storys up above and i really would like to say a few thags about methdone. I was strung out at one time an the methadone has really change my life. I finaly can work an save money I have more now than I ever had at eney time in my life new cars a very good looking wife and baby boy who now is 5 month old money in the bank. good thags all wase will happean to good pepol thay have to just belive an stay strong . and in that I will end this in belive in god and the pepol that try to help…….
March 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I dont know how I stumbled on this site but reading all the stories here compelles me to say keep trying anything to get off the methadone. I have almost years of treatment with methadone first at the clinic and later as pain management doc’s office.
(I had a nail gun accident in 1985 in the knee so I convinced me therapist to talk to the pain dic.) Anyways My real love is oxy’s and thats why methadone was a good alternative but not really. The fact that Bruprenex is so much less addictive and takes care of most systemic symtoms is a big step into to getting clean. Unfortunately in 2002 brupenex was only indicated for detox and not general use. I myself am 30 days out of a rehab and am stuggleling with a bad cold which is making my days miserable. but for a brief time I actually felt good fro a few days. It is one day at a time for me and I wish those struggling to try the bruprenex to rid yourself of methadone. It does work and I wish I had taken it for the longer tome that they are treatinking folks now. good luck everyone.
March 17th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Sorry for the misspelled words in my previous statement btw I was taking methadone for nearly 6 years as it was missing in the comment.
March 17th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I was on methadone on the street.I found out I was pregnant so I went to a methadone program.The withdraws from methadone is way worse than any opiates,herion,anything.I am detoxing myself.I am at 13mg and I was at 80mg a day Im a small 4′11 100 pound girl so it doesnt take much for me.Plus I didnt want my baby to be addicted either.Which she wasnt by the way.15 months old and beautiful came home no problems.Ive been at the clinic for 2 years and they can give you stuff for withdraws its called clonidine.Its for blood pressure but for long term narcotic users.It controls the jerks and what not.Dont get me wrong this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I am still doing.I dont know if I can either.These places are more worried about money than you.If you dont pay they have no problem taking you down 10mg a day until your out and thats it.They couldnt care less about you.Ive went down 1mg a day until 40mg and then at 20 and now thats getting lower its getting harder.Ive got 3 kids and its hard and some days I dont know if I can do it.Ive been on pain medicine for 5 years now whats it going to be like on nothing.I havent been in withdraws yet but im tired of paying 91.00 a week and going 2 times a week.I just dont know what to do.If anyone can help please let me know.I dont have the money to do anything else and I dont have insuarance either.So anyone with any advice please let me know.Thanks!
March 17th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Colin, I used to feel the same way about methadone: that it should only be a stop on the journey to abstinence and not a destination. But you know what? It’s not a perfect world, and sometimes it just doesn’t work that way. There are so many dangers in detoxing off of methadone or Suboxone before you’re ready. One of the most common times that addicts die of an overdose is when they relapse after being clean because they have no tolerance (the other is when they get out of jail). I’m surprised that your doctor has that attitude, though it’s not surprising to hear that your daughter’s mother feels that way.
As for your daughter, she made her own decisions. You can’t blame yourself. How many addicts came from parents who didn’t use? How many kids grew up with addiction and, because they saw the horrors up close, chose to stay away from it? She may be genetically predisposed to addiction, but then, so might you. Addiction is no one’s fault, and the best you can do for her is continue to be a good example as an addict in recovery instead of an addict actively using.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
John, congratulations on getting off methadone after so long. That’s no easy feat and the fact that you can still stand behind that decision even when you don’t feel well speaks volumes.
Rather than Buprenex, Subutex and Suboxone, the sublingual pill versions of buprenorphine, are most commonly prescribed. It’s definitely easy to take and much less complicated than other medical detox options and if you’re ready to get off methadone, then I definitely recommend using Suboxone to do it.
March 18th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
It is so good to b able to relate w people that understand what its like to be on methadone. I have been on a 120mg for a little over 3 yrs. I have really had some bad side effects,like gttn 1-2 hrs of sleep a nite if im lucky and major weight gain, but my life has not been this normal or this good in 25yrs.(since i have been on pain pills).I really want to start detoxing but i am scared to death of failing. I know what withdraw symptoms feel like. Ive tried many times to quit the pills.Does anyone have any good advice?
March 21st, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Hey, H. If you’re ready to start dropping your methadone dose, I have two pieces of advice for you: do it slowly and build your support system. There’s no need to feel sick, just drop 2-5 milligrams per week until you feel it, then level off until you’re ready to start dropping again. Even a milligram a week will get you where you’re going eventually. There’s no rush.
And a support system is equally important. Online forums like this one, local NA meetings or non-religious support groups, building relationships with people who have common interests and don’t use, getting a pet (seriously!)–all of these things help you feel more grounded without the need for getting loaded.
Anybody else have any ideas?
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:28 pm
I just had to put in my two cents with everyone to tell ya that if you titrate down very slowly its really not that bad, I took 90mgs of methadone for 4 years & finished my taper last year, I went off at 1mg & hardly felt a thing, I kept waiting & waiting for the withdrawals to begin as I had heard so many horror stories, regardless I waited around for nothing, not much changed except for some sleepless nights, I was like, this is it, this is what everyones so afraid off? Now dont get me wrong, as I do believe that not every detox goes this way, Im only saying this is how my detox went down & I know of two others who did their taper slow & had the same experience as I. Thanks
March 24th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I was an addict to heroin and cocaine fro a long time, when I was a teen, I was pregnant and decided it was enough I went cold turkey, is now 17 years and I now have cancer, I came home on a dilaudid pump for 2 years, now I was just taken off the punmp. as I am writting I am withdrawing and dont know what to do, this is owfull, I feel like I felt 17 years ago, I hop that in 4 days I will feel better. I dotn knoiw what to do all I have is ativan and methadoen 10 mg 3 times a day to help, is not helping at all, I was taking 40 mg iv dilaudid per day anbd now none, is i s horrendous, sorry about ny speling but liek I sayd I M WITHDRAWING AS i WRITTING, GOOD LUCH K TOO ALL OF YOU, WE CAN DO IT
March 26th, 2008 at 2:31 am
I decided to keep typing periodically to share as is functions as an aa/na meetings in some ways. I read and re-read many of the stories and I relate to nearly all of them one way or another. while I have not had an opiate since detox about the 15th of february, I have not been clean with other form of mind altering substances. in this case alcohal. St Patrick’s day did not help matters either cause the local irish pub served the best corn beef cabbage (I scaped off the cabbage though cause beer & cabbage in me will result in methane fuel with odor. Anyways they say in the NA in they last sentance alcohal is a drug and as much as I really dont care for THE LEGAL STUFF I found myself substituting it for that part of our brain looking for pleasure. and that god awful hangover in the AM uhgggg. So after another small encounter with a beer the following night at a friends home & feeling like shit, I have renewed my effort to just stay away from everything. I feel like a total jerk reporting to meetings but I know I have to. As for the person that is on 110 mg (or any dose over 70 mg) It is in your best interest to lower your intake to 30 mg as if it is gradually done (5 mg a week) to 30 mg You should not experience any real withdrawls. (I had no problems to 30 and found 25 was ok if I had to take just that. You get the benefit of being alot more alert and will be able to control your weight. If you have real legitimate pain (particularly joints - knees in particular) If you know a good pain clinic, They may be able to prescibe these doses with the understanding that you will eventually wean off and work with your doc to provide a treatment plan which was in my case was injections in the affected knee with a product called synovic which is essentially refined and purified chichen fat. I found that early November was perfect for this as this was the worst time of year for my pain level. The stuff works for about 4 months and so far there has been no side effects. (i get this product in November and again in April as I still like to job and walk briskly whenever possible. I will try to share with some regularity and I hope with the warm weather soon to come that those on excessively high doses reduce it to the 20-30 mg area. Believe me you will notice how much clearer your head is. Take Care and feel free to reply or rebut my comments as scattered as my thoughts were in this comments.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I am currently on methadone and have been on it for 6 months now. (currently on 150mg a day)I had an addiction to pain pills any and every pain pill I could get my hands on.Suffice to say I have not touched a pill since i’ve been on the methadone. I have 4 kids. 3 of which are just babies.I want to get off the methadone desperatly.I feel that I’m strong enough to do it my Mother is willing to take care of my babies for me while I go through the withdrawals. I don’t know how i’m going to go about coming off of it yet,i know it is not good to just stop completly but I also don’t want to come off of it at 3 mg per week which is what my counselor wanted me to do. I’m only 29 years old and I want to go back to school and I want to move in 3 months but this stupid methadone is holding me back from everything. I just want off. Then I hear all these horror stories about coming off of it. I’m scared but I’m willing and ready to do it. I’m a strong person I just hope I can withstand it. Help I don’t know what to do?…
March 27th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Iam a 54 year old diabetic-type 1 and had been on a methadone maintanence program in Brooklyn, NY for almost 20 years. Last year my wife and I had to leave Brooklyn, where I only attended once a week because of length of time on the program, good behavior, clean urine specimens and my health. I was considered a model patient. We had to move here due to father in-law’s poor health. I also was under going hep-C treatment (weekly injections of interferon and daily doses of Ribavirin, 5 a day. The side effects were devastating, the depression so severe, bleak and the misery saw no bounds. I was seeing a psychiatrist for 4 years in Brooklyn to help me cope with depression, anxiety and fatigue. We made the trip to Hull, Ma. where my wife’s Dad soon passed away. I soon resumed methadone maintanence at Habit Opco in Brockton. I had to adapt, like it or not, to once a week(picking up 6 bottles)to every day. After 3 months I got to see Dr. Luconus. In 5 minutes he gave me 5 days to get off the “benzo” or he’d medically detox me off the program at 5mgs. a day to 0. I was on 90 mgs and before I knew it I was down to 35 mgs I was on my way back to Brooklyn to the same program I left. At the time I had with Dr Luconus, I made sure to bring all my medical and Mental health records with me for him to look at, but he wouldn’t? for whatever reason. Even over my objections that I was diabetic and a forced 2 week withdrawal from methadone would be a shock to my system after 20 years and it would cause much unnecessary stress, and anybody with diabetes knows stress is a diabetics worst enemy. But not to this guy, a doctor? Please, this “Doctor” put my life in jeopardy, my blood-sugar was consistently high, normal being 70-120, mine was always at 200+, 225-350 to 497 one night! I was afraid at any given time my kidneys would shut down, or I’d go blind or neurapathy in my lower legs and feet would begin a slow process toward amputation. this Dr. Luconus had to know I was diabetic, I told him over and over again and would he please read my medical records to no avail. He was so blinded from bias and predjudice if he did hear me he refused to acknowledge by making statements like “I don’t care how they run thier clinics in NY etc.” which had nothing to do with the current situation which was simple “I am a diabetic and almost 20 years on methadone, a quick detox, 90mgs to 0, 18 days would and did cause so much stress that I was in constant fear of dropping dead of heart failure” had I not driven back to NY to stop the detox. And this doctor did this to me for nothing. Only because I did not produce a letter from a shrink fast enough. And the reason I didn’t was because after arriving here I was a physical and mental wreck from the ravaging side-effects of interferon, I rarely left my bed. The depression and misery I still can’t find the words to describe it, a living nightmare isn’t enough. 4 years I was legally prescribed xanax and lexapro in Brooklyn from at least 8 different psychiatrists, all concurring the same diagnoses: chronic anxiety & fatigue to depression and then severely depressed from hep-C treatment to rid my body of hepatitis. On my recent trip back to NY, I also saw my other doctors whom were very surprised that such a doctor was even given the authority to dispence methadone. One doctor in particular called him dangerous through his neglegence and suggested I get a lawyer. I left out a lot of incidents, negative, to be sure as a result of this quacks’ actions. I would appreciate any comments as to what course of action I should take?
March 28th, 2008 at 12:55 am
I agree with Lori that reducing your methadone dose slowly is definitely the only way to go whether or not you choose to switch over to a non-clinic detox at 30 milligrams or not. There’s really no rush: go too fast, and you’ll end up getting strung out again. Go too slow and…what? Nothing bad can happen when you slow it down.
III: no one knows better than you how difficult it is to quit an opiate cold turkey and when you’re suffering from pain in addition to that–unbearable. You are so brave and all of us here are rooting for you. Please do check in and let us know how you are feeling.
John: You’re definitely doing the right thing going to meetings if they’re helping you. A friend of mine HATES NA and AA but he goes, has sponsees and continues to meet with his sponsor for one simple reason: it has kept him clean for five years now and counting. So, hey. If it works, keep doing it! And you’re right: checking in here and posting about your experience is alot like sharing in a meeting and just as therapeutic.
Elle: It is so, so difficult to handle motherhood and addiction simultaneously. Building a support system is essential and it sounds like you’ve got that, at least in part, thanks to your mother. There are tons of resources for women like you (and I) so don’t be afraid to seek them out. Do what you have to do to protect your child and that means taking care of yourself. You’re doing the right thing. Please do check in and let me know how you’re doing!
Robert: I am so sorry to hear about your trials as you relocated throughout the northeast. Unfortunately, the bad behavior that you described by your doctor is repeated throughout the country when addicts are attempting to get help relieving their pain. The assumption is always that they are lying and drug-seeking and the stigma of “addict” somehow seems to make even the most professional of doctors forget the most basic manners. I’m not a lawyer but I have seen similar situations occur in the prison system when medical recourse was denied and legal suits against the violating parties were successful. I am not litigious by nature but if a law suit would bring in the money you need to secure the medical assistance that will be necessary due to this person’s unprofessional behavior, then it’s worth a consultation or two with a legal professional. Good luck to you, Robert.
March 30th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I agree with the slow process because I myself am trying to go too fast and I keep loosing everything that is most important to me- my family, my career, my home, because I feel so bad all the time from the coming off Methadone you know the sickness that I keep reading about here. Now so much that I can’t keep these things together. I have no idea what to do. I am still on 15mg of methadone.
Please help
Tony.
March 31st, 2008 at 12:30 am
We have professionals that state they have seen 30,000 patients in 12 years. That’s 8 pateints 24/7 for 12 years. The truth is that once you detox and you need maintenance the cost is $500/mo = $6000/yr. Most insurance companies will not cover this cost. There are on site pharmacies that charge you $12/8 mg. So if you are at the cieling, 24 mg/dy then that is 120 tablets which is over $48/dy which is near $1500/mo. That’s more than a mortgage payment for a small apartment. You need to know what you are getting yourself into.
Fortunately, there is a simple method to detox of of subutex although it would never go up the flag pole. I am subutex free now for 3 months.
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:26 am
WELL AS IT COMES UP ON 7 WEEKS, I CAN ONLY SAY THAT BEING OUT OF STEADY WORK DOES NOT MAKE THIS PROCESS ANY EASIER. I DID GET PART TIME WORK THAT FOR 2 1/2 DAYS WAS GREAT. BUT NOW IT IS QUIET AGAIN AND I REALLY HATE SOLITUDE CAUSE A FIREY MIND WILL GET YOU IN ALL KINDS OF TROUBLE. I NOTICED MY OLD EATING HABITS ARE BACK WHICH IS NOT GOOD AS I RARELY EVER COOK. (I HATED SALAD IN REHAB BUT ATE IT ANYWAYS AS THEY SERVED IT 20 MINUTES BEFORE THE REAL DINNER. SO IF YOU WER
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:13 am
SORRY AOL SHUT DOWN B4 I HAD A CHANCE TO FINISH BUT AS I WAS SAYING, SO IF YOU WERE HIKING THE MOUNTIAN OR PLAYING A STRENUOUS ACTIVITY YOU WERE HUNGRY AND THE SALAD WAS FIRST. I LOST ALOT OF THIS MESSAGE I WAS TYPING BUT ESSENTIALLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT QUIET TIME IN MY ENEMY AND I AM WORRIED ABOUT USING COKE MORE THAN ANYTHING AS WE ARE CREATURES OF HABITS AND WE ALL WANT TO FEEL GOOD AGAIN. (IM MAD THAT AOL CUT OUT CAUSE IT WAS GOOD TYPING AND NOW IM PISSED, LOSING MY FOCUS TO CONTINUE AND RUNNING OUT OF TIME AS THERE IS STILL SOME WORK ON MY PART TIME JOB I HAVE TO FINISH. BEAR WITH ME FOLKS, I KNOW THAT SOME OF YOU GUY ACTUALLY READ THESE. ( I READ ALL OF THEM ) THE MESSAGE I WANTED TO SHARE WAS THE WORD SUBSTITUTION. CAUSE THIS IS WHERE I HAVE TROUBLE. YES METHADONE 7 WEEK CLEAN BUT I CANT SAY THAT FOR THE OTHER ONES, AND I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. NOW I REMEMBER WHAT I WAS WRITING B4. IT WAS THE EATING HABITS AND HOW IM FINDING MYSELF NOT EATING RIGHT AT ALL. MORNING CERIAL IS THE ONLY GOOD THING I EAT EVERY MORNING. AFTER THAT SNACKS (PRETZELS AND SODA) THIS HAS LED TO THE ACNE STARTING UP AGAIN AND THE 20 QUESTIONS FROM THE FAMILY WHETHER I AM USING AGAIN. I CAN ONLY SAY THAT MONEY (THAT LACK OF) IS PROBABLY SAVING ME FROM THE COKE. I JUST HOPING IN TIME THESE DAMN URGES START TO RECEDE AND I GET MORE JOBS. I HATE THIS FEELING AND I APPRECIATE THOSE THAT HAVE TYPED IN. TO THE GIRL WITH 3 KIDS MY THOUGHT ARE WITH YOU. IM THE TYPE THAT WOULD HELP IF I COULD SO YOU COULD CATCH A BREATHER, TO THE NEW PERSON ON 15 MG’S YOUR DOING FINE JUST BE PATIENT. IT COULD BE ALOT WORSE IF YOU WERE IN THE MAINTENANCE PROGRAMS. (YOU MIGHT STILL BE SO IF YOUR AT 15 IN THERE THAN YOUR A RARE EXAMPLE OF A SUCCESS STORY) I PERSONALLY WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN OFF METHADONE IN THERE. YOUR WITH PEOPLE THAT KNOW ALL THE ELEMENTS OF THE DARK SIDE AND PHONE #’S FLOW FREELY AS THE LIQUID METHADONE DOES IN THESE PLACES. JUST GO SLOW. MAYBE A MG EVERY WEEK. THEN BY JULY YOUR DONE. BUT TRUST ME YOUR WAY AHEAD OF THE GAME. JUST TO QUICKLY SHARE A STORY ABOUT AN ADDICT THAT LIED ABOUT HER USE OF THE OPIATES. SHE TOLD THEM OVER A BUNDLE A DAY WHEN IT WAS MUCH LESS. THEY DOSED HER EVENTUALLY AT 110 MG AND WAS A ZOMBIE. I WATCHED HER NOD OFF AND SPLASH INTO A THANKFULLY WARM AND NOT HOT BOWL OF SOUP. SHE IS DOING OK BUT IS SUBSTITUTING ALCOHAL NOW AFTER GETTING CLEAN EARLIER IN 2007. THIS IS MY BIGGEST FEAR FOR MYSELF ALTHOUGH I DONT PARTICLARLY LIKE TO DRINK. WELL THAT IT STILL A GOOD LETTER DESPITE THE INTERUPTION. ANY THOUGHTS FOR AVOIDING SUBSTITUTION.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Tony: It sounds like you’re doing the right thing, slowly dropping off the methadone. You are at a dose that is low enough to try a buprenorphine detox, which may be easier for you. What do you think? Have you considered it?
Lawrence: Methadone is absolutely a cash business these days. It can be especially hard on those who suddenly lose their insurance or funding and get cut off at a rate of 10 milligrams a day. There’s no perfect solution here. Some need to take it slow on methadone, but if you’re at a low enough dose, a buprenorphine detox eliminates a ton of the risks associated with methadone.
John: In the case of the quiet mind, substitution can be a good thing. Fill up the quiet with meetings, service or volunteer work, working out, a new hobby that gets you out of the house. If you want to feel good, exercise is a way to build up endorphins naturally. As for substituting food or alcohol for addiction, yeah, it’s never a good thing. The idea is to substitute positives for negatives until the negatives aren’t even missed.
April 6th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I’ve been smoking heroin (tar) for about 7 years now, with about 2 of those years methadone , started while pregnant with my 4 year old son. He is the reason I need to stop using, I hate myself , I am just sick of being a damn drug addict. Before the daily heroin use I use(d) meth - glass - speed everyday too. Still do and I am convinced there is no hope for me, I am also a prostitute and have legal issues. Anyway, have any of you ever tried the thirty day methadone detox? Because I am seriously considering trying it like tommorrow. I definately have my own history with methadone and felt like I ‘d rather be addicted to the smack and have a nine day kick than that 2 (or more) month kick from methadone so when they kicked me off the program ( for ‘absences’ , the ‘doc’ started me out on 3 times a week , did fine with that but when I had a dirty ua for speed they made me start coming in everyday which just didnt work, I kept forgetting to come in).
Ive tried the suboxone , it really does work/take the sick away. BUT its expensive. I think I may try that thirty day methadone detox…..Anyone ever tried this one? It makes sense, take the methadone while you are withdrawing from the heroin/oxy/whatever, then before you get addicted to the methadone you stop taking it!!!
April 9th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Hi, Janee. I wish it were that easy but you do develop an addiction to methadone pretty quickly which is why you have to continue to take it after your body kicks the heroin (a 30-day detox instead of a 9-15 day heroin kick). The amount of heroin you smoke each day will dictate how high your methadone dose will be. If they start you on a low dose, say, 10-25 milligrams then a 30-day detox won’t be that bad. But with the history you have, I’m guessing that you would start much higher than that and dropping that quickly is going to be really hard.
Also, depending upon how high your heroin dose is, you may not even be ready for suboxone yet.
Here’s the upside: if you’re just smoking it and not using needles, you’re ahead of the game. Also, the fact that you’re ready to quit is huge and will seriously help you when things get hard.
First things first: make sure your son is safe at all times. If your dose is low enough to get on Suboxone, I highly recommend it. It’s just so much easier to take care of child on Suboxone than on methadone, but nothing is more difficult than trying to maintain a habit and motherhood so either one is preferable to continuing as you are.
Get some support: NA meetings, free clinic, social worker, online, anything you can do to have somewhere to turn when things get hard. And please don’t wait. Get started right now on breaking this addiction and no matter how hard it gets remember that it’s not just you but your son’s life that’s at stake.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I have been on methadone, first for pain, and now go to a methadone clinic. I’d been onoxycontin for over 6 years. I have fibromyalgia, and degenerative disc disease. I’d never taken anything before I became sick in the mid 90’s. I am on 120 mgs.of methadone a day, and other that being sleepy mid afternoon, and my nights are quite painful, I feel much better than going thru withdrawls, from running out of meds 2 weeks early. Obviously taking more than prescribed, causing withdrawls and being sick for half the month. I feel I finally have my life back, and have been rebuilding relationships with family members, and friends I shut out during my addiction years. I am very thankful for the methadone, however knowing that I’ll be on it 4-ever ir I want the pain relief, really does scare me. I pray for everyone going thru what I’ve been thru these past few years, and I wish everyone luck in their future whether you stay on the methadone, or detox from it. I openly admit, I could not imagine detoxing from it. I really don’t think I could do it. More cuz of pain that anything else. God Bless you all.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Hi, Elena. You know your body better than anyone and if you feel strong on methadone then, by all means, stick with what works. It sounds like you are in a really good place with your pain and addiction issues and there’s no reason to fix something that isn’t broken. Enjoy your newfound control over your life and experience every day to its fullest. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
April 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I was reading the blog on Kim. I would also like to know how doctors can prescribe oxy. and they won’t give methodone or subutex. The thing that is so very hard is the detox part. True as I read above that it depends on the person. Mental issues are also to be considered. The only thing that is difficult is that if someone is on parole, and wants to take meth. the urine tests will come up hot. If your parole officer can understand what you are trying to do, will he let you? No he won’t. He doesn’t want to send you back to jail, cause that surely doesn’t work, and there are drugs in there too. You have a job, but try to detox while working is unbearable. You are actually in a no win situation. Beside not having insurance doesn’t help. So you are stuck. Taking meth. and decreasing the dose, seems like it takes a long time. I am NOT a drug addict, I am simply writing about my daughter. She was on suboxone, but now she wants to get off them and she is getting withdrawls. She then takes meth. but that is just to get her by. So then now you have to decide if you want to go through the withdrawls, or put yourself away. Withdrawls by yourself is highly dangerous, from what I read, going into a rehab, means losing her job, and then the parole officer knows. I really feel bad for all the drug addicts. I hope that however you try to get off this addiction it works. Also if you stay clean, congratulations to you!! You did it!!! Now you can make a life for yourselves and enjoy it.
April 17th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
You’re absolutely right, Sandy: trying to get and stay clean on parole produces a number of tricky Catch-22 situations. Unfortunately, the interviewee is now serving a violation in San Quentin, which means yet another forced withdrawal from a high dose of methadone. I’ll be posting a follow-up interview once he makes it past reception and onto the mainline so we can keep up with his progress. Wish him luck!
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:54 am
What are withdrawls from quitting metadone “cold turkey” like? Is there anything I can do to alleviate the sickness?
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:30 pm
It depends on what amount of methadone you are on, Nick, and how long you’ve been using and if there are any other drugs that you mix it with. Withdrawal symptoms start within a few hours of the missed dose. (If you take methadone every morning, then by the early afternoon the day after you take your last dose, you’re going to start to feel it). Symptoms vary, also, with everyone, but in general, you start with a runny nose, headache, muscle aches, sweating, cold/hot flashes, nausea. These grow in intensity over the next few days and peak at about 72 hours. Explosive diarrhea, vomiting, insomnia, leg twitches, irritability, paranoia, overwhelming fatigue, bone pain. It feels like barbed wire wrapped around your bones. It’s terrible. It feels like the flu but 100 times worse and it lasts for a couple weeks and lingers even after that. I don’t recommend it.
You can’t avoid these symptoms without a medical detox. You can taper off slowly or you can quit and take Subutex/Suboxone. There’s no easy way out. It’s not going to be easy. But it can be easier.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Well, I’m Telly and I’m an Addict!!!I have had the nightmare’s you can all possible think of. I started useing rec drugs young, My Mom said that she would rather me do the drugs at home where she knew I was safe than out on the streets with my friend( she was 70’s hippy with a 3 year old) so I started, then stopped when I found out I was having a baby @ 20 only to find out after I had my son that my little brother was now the partier he just hid it very well that was until 2/27/06 when one of his friends cut his coke with Oxicotin and he died, I died that day to or I’ve been trying to and since MIke’s death’s 7 more of his friend have od,and one murdered for Roxicodone, thats right stabed 31 times in the face for what, a high and for some reason God won’t let me off that easy, I will never forget I filled a script for 120 30mg Roxicodone, I had taken them all in 3 days and yeah I threw up a couple times but kept sniffing them up my nose till I realized I was screwed I was out time to go to another doctor who upt my scripts to 240 30mg roxi and 90 80mg oxicotin mind you I’m 4-11-3/4″ 112LBS well this proceeded till about 2 months ago when I didn’t buy my son a birthday present for his 13th b-day, and I realized I’ve waisted all this time and god wasn’t letting me go that easy and I’d turned out to be my MOM, so I went on suboxone and ouch but 7 days of ouch compared to over 2 years lost is just the start. I love hearing the ups and down and that well balanced addicts can change but what kills me within is all the damaged that 11 years of love and devotion I gave my son was torn down and now building back his trust in my HURTS but there’s a reason the good Lord gave me a great husband and a beautiful life and it time to let my life shine bright as It had for so long… This is my start over and my prayers to all of you that have done it , done it over and over agian until that day wakes you up and the pain you put your loved ones through is worth every single withdrawl day to remind you that it’s pure hell.. My prayers are with you all and I hope you know kids arnt stupid they see you doing it and it just makes it okay for them to do it, It’s not thier fault it’s ours and if 30 days of detox is what it takes than I’m pulling ANGELS out for anyone who want to reach me to talk Cutenclumsy2@aol.com because I care and it feels good to let out the skeletons in the closet. god bless
June 10th, 2008 at 10:18 am
how did i come upon this site?? i sure needed to…some of the posts are very scary to me tho…im a pain pill junkie!! love them!!! i had never heard of methadone until jan. of last year and i started methadone in feb. 07. one year later im up to 115 mgs. im scared to death. how am i ever going to get off of methadone?? the thought scares the hell out of me. i just turned 38 and feel as tho i will be on this stuff the rest of my life!! i was able to stop smokin pot. thats a good thing. ive been doing well thru the clinic and have earned my third phase so i get to take my little lock box and go in only every other day and get take homes for the week ends. is this something to be proud of?? i dont know. i dont want to do methadone the rest of my life!!! i focus on my daily dose til i get it, i sweat terribly and ive always been a decent sized woman. i now weigh 160 lbs!! im totally disgusted with myself. makes me sick to see myself nude. ive gained 40 lbs!!! it happens so fast, i cant keep up with my pants size. i feel horrible. so…..the thought of taking “drugs” forever to keep my brain content and getting fatter and fatter and fatter is killing me mentally!!! somebody please help me. am i doomed to be on methadone sweating my ass off and gaining three pounds a day what i have to look forward to as a life???
June 11th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
My wife and I have been addictied to methadone for three years. We have tried suboxene and it does work. But you will still have withdrawls and insomenia. We now live in seprate houses trying to overcome this drug that we have been addicted to for so long. We have a 1 year old daughter that was born addicted to the drug. We had to detox to get her back from the state. This drug has such a power over my wife and I but we are trying to get on with our lives. I encourage anyone wanting to get off d’s to use suboxne and save yourself from the more seroious withdrawl symtoms.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
i am currently on 38mg and have about 10mg to go from the methadone clinic and im switching over to suboxone and i am feeling a little twitchy and anxious but cmon we can do it people . Ive been on the clinic for three years and started at 200mg and now im out next in two weeks stay strong everyone up here your time will come trust me there is hope at teh end of the tunnel…..peace out stay clean …….
June 18th, 2008 at 8:47 am
chris……..you are so full of hope that it gives me hope but…….ooooo…i listen to the people in line..”ive been on this shit for 10 years…nobodys getting off this shit and these people that started taking this shit for pill addiction, theyre idiots!! they shouldnt even be here!! this is a whole new ball game!!”…….i hate hearing stuff like that while im in line. its got me scared to death. ive been on it for just over a year and got clean off pills right away. the want to not be there everyday and to earn my phases and to get to do more take homes weekly helped me to get clean more than anything bbut i dose at about 630am and if i dont make it to the clinic for my 115mgs i feel like dooo dooo!!! i start shaking and getting anxious and just feel ewwww. that too scares me. i take klonopin and have for about ten years. i had anxiety so bad i was on disability until i found klonopin and buspar. they saved my life and ive been working again for the last eight years. being on klonopin takes away my right to be on suboxone…..i believe is what ive heard. where does that leave me?? at the methadone clinic for the rest of my life because i became a pill addicted idiot?? ive had 7 knee surgeries so you can guess where the addiction started and its easy to blame somebody else but i got to where i was “playing” seven different doctors!! all i had to do was make a phone call to one of them for a bottle of 150 pills!! come on!! these doctors didnt even ask to see me. they knew my past with my knee and thats all it took. they need to be much more regulatory. (is that a word…regulatory??) anyway….i juust had my 38th birthday. i dont want to live the rest of my life looking forward to my next dose. i dont. god!!! am i stuck on methadone due to klonopin??
June 22nd, 2008 at 8:19 am
I have been on suboxone for 2 years and it has been a dream. Years ago I had been on methadone and when I tell you suboxone is the way to go I am not kidding. In years to come I bet that methadone will not be used nearly as much as suboxone.
Heroin Detox Suboxone Treatment
June 28th, 2008 at 10:06 am
i asked about a week ago……due to me taking klonopin, does that mean i cant take suboxone?? am i left with only methadone due to klonopin?? what are my options?? what should i do?? arghhh. somebody help me. i dont want to be on methadone forever. another question…have you guys experienced a noticeable amount of weight gain?? since ive started this stuff, ive gone from 130 to 155!!! my heart is broken. i never thought i would weigh this much!! i work out. i go to work. i dont sit on my fanny and do nothing all day. i walk my two lil dogs. i stay busy. where has all this weight come from and how do i make it go back to where it came from because i dont want it!!! any answers ……….
June 28th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Klonapins and methadone are a dangerous, dangerous mix. And weight gain on methadone, unfortunately, is very common. It’s not your fault, so don’t get down on yourself, Amber. It happens to everyone. Ask your doctor about what you can and can’t take on Suboxone. It depends upon your dosage, I’m sure. Let us know what happens and keep your chin up!